Dads an idiot

Anyway ,being as awesome as I am, I was born in Cretan Land, and then taken to my grandmother Earth who hid me away in a cavern in the Earth (the same one that housed my uncles the cyclopses and the hundred-handers) in Crete. Mum then wrapped a stone in my baby cloth and gave it to my dear old daddy to swallow. Being the idoit that he is my father could not tell a baby from a stone and swallowed it, causing him to regurgitate all my brothers and sisters unharmed (casue that makes sense).

Daddy Issues

Cronos, my father, became king of the gods after he castrated my grandfather. He married my mother, and aunt, Rhea. Mum gave birth to my brothers and sisters, who are mush less important than me. My father, after hearing a phophecy that he would be defeated by his own child from my grandparents, decided he would eat or"swallow" his children to stop it from coming true. Yea he was a freak.

Here is a lovely family portrait of my father eating my brother  Hades :)

I HATE MY FATHER!!!!. What kind of moster would eat their own children.

The Aunts and Uncles

My aunts and uncles, icluding my father are called the titans. They include the hundred-handers, the cyclopses, my favorites are Thunderer, Lightner and Whitebolt, Cronos (also my father), Rhea (also my mother, yep just like I said incestuous), and 5 others gods and goddesses. My grandfather didnt care much for his ugly children (the hundred-handers and the cyclopses) so he hid them way in a cavern deep under the Earth.

NOT A HAPPY CHAPPY!!!

Hey guys, this is a little of topic, but I just finished watching Percy Jackson and the Lightning Theif on blu-ray. Its pretty cool, APART FROM THE FACT THAT I LOOK LIKE AND OLD MAN!!!!!!!!!. I am king of the gods, i'm immortal for crying out loud, and I most definetly DO NOT look like an old man, I look like a man in my late thirties at the latest. So anybody who watches the movie, keep in mind that I do not look like that guy who was supposed to be me. 

Aphrodite is grown!!

Guess what happened to the castrated "member" of my Grandfather, you will never guess. After father threw it into the sea, it grew into Aphrodite, crazy huh.

Lets start at the beggining

So I decided before I get to the most interesting part of this little story, the part that is focused on me, I am going to start at the beggining, just to give you a bit of backround knowledge about where I came from. Origionally the Earth was in chaos, not the nicest place to be, but then my grandparents came along. My good old granny ,Earth or Gaia, (Hesiod calls her "broad-breasted" hahahaha) gave birth to my Grandfather, Uranos (Hesiod calls him "starry-heaven" hahaha, he cracks me up sometimes), we greek gods are a tad incestous. My grandfather being the lovely fellow that he is (not) would not let my aunts and uncles be born, including my father Cronos. Being that bad ass that he is Cronos castrated my grandfather, man you gotta feel sorry for the guy. While he was busy mourning the loss of his "little Uranos", granny gave birth to all my aunts and uncles.

Zeus Almighty is in buisness

Hello mortals, this is Zeus here, thats right the ruler of all gods and men, king of Mount Olympus and all round awesome guy. Due to the fact that I am so awesome, I decided to record a little bit of my history for all you mortals to read, and becuase writing is soooooo old fashioned I decided to create a blog about it. I know Hesiod tells  my story in his Theogony, but seriously, I am much more heroic, brave and amazing than he makes me sound, so I decided to tell it myself. I may also use this blog to post my thought, who knows!!!!