FAN MAIL!!!!

One of my many devoted fans sent in this drawing of me, I am flattered really, but I believe I am more handsome in real life. If any one else wants to send some fanmail email it to me at TheThunderbolt@hotmail.com.

Happy Wife = Happy Life

Sooo after a horrible first marriage to a girl called Metis, I decieded its better to keep mariages in the family. I married my sister Hera, goddess of women and marriage, the perfect person to be my wife. Yet it turns ot she has a little problem with jealousy. I cant help it if I have thousands of conquests, women just find me attractive, I mean just look at me. Hera can be a bit spitefull when she in jealous, I mean just look at what she did to Io and Heracles, my son. Lets just say its not the happiest marriage there ever was.

Our little trip to Paris this year. Disaster.

Not Another Bad Movie

I watched The Immortals yesterday, what a load of RUBUSH!!!!. They got the story completly wrong, and I would NEVER pretend to be an old man, I am far to handsome. In the movie Theseus defeats a man with a metal bulls head, not an actual minotaur, the outrage!!!!. Also Ariadne is not mentioned, Theseus wouldnt have gotten out of the maze if it wasnt for her!!!!. Dont you hate it when they get the story wrong, I do. The king is not happy :(

Grannies revenge

Well after hearing that I had banished her children to Tartarus, as you can imagine Gaia was not to happy with me. So what did she do?. Well being the loving grandmother that she is, she sent the fearsome monster Typhoeus after me. The thing had 100 serpent heads for fingers, can you imagine that 100!!, AND HE HAD WINGS!!!!!!. I wish I had wings :(. Anyway I grabbed my lightining bolt and took him out. I schorched his snakey fingers, using lightning, thunder and the smoking bolt I destroyed the fearsome creature. It was my extreme strength and cunning which allowed me to defeat the beast. I saved the day!!!!. After I defeated him I flung him intot Tartarus, where he has imprisoned under Mt. Etna.

ACTION SHOT!!!!!!!!!

Sharing is Caring

After the Titans were banished to Tartarus my brothers Poseidon, Hades and I decided to split up the world, with each of us ruling a different part. I got the air and the sky, Poseidon got the water and Hades got the underworld (bad luck bro).

My Latest Conquest

My latest conquest and I relaxing on the beach :)

 

Poor Atlas

Unlike all of his brothers and sisters, I thought the Titan ,Atlas, deserved a different fate. I made him hold up the heavens for all time mwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!. Lets just say he wasnt happy about it, but thats the great thing about being king of the gods, people have to do what I tell them to :D.

THATS RIGHT, ENVY ME

LOOK WHAT I FOUND, I HAVE MY OWN VIDEO GAME, I AM TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!!!!

REVENGE OF THE SWALLOWED!!!!!!!!

Now that my brothers and sisters were not inside our fathers stomach, and we had all grown up, we decided it was time dad and all of his brothers and sisters to say goodbye. Being the great guy that I am, I made friends with my uncles who were trapped inside the earth, and then freed them. Grateful for their release the my uncles the cyclopses made me the thunderbolt. THE GREATEST WEAPON OF ALL TIME!!!!!, and it was weilded by the greatest god of all time, me :). Anyway, you probably already knew that. After they were released the hundred-handers, along with the cyclopses and my brothers and sisters helped me to defeat Cronos, who I founght hard and heroically, and send him and all his brothers and sisters to Tartarus, deep down below the earth. TAKE THAT DAD!!!!

Dressed for war :)

Dads an idiot

Anyway ,being as awesome as I am, I was born in Cretan Land, and then taken to my grandmother Earth who hid me away in a cavern in the Earth (the same one that housed my uncles the cyclopses and the hundred-handers) in Crete. Mum then wrapped a stone in my baby cloth and gave it to my dear old daddy to swallow. Being the idoit that he is my father could not tell a baby from a stone and swallowed it, causing him to regurgitate all my brothers and sisters unharmed (casue that makes sense).

Daddy Issues

Cronos, my father, became king of the gods after he castrated my grandfather. He married my mother, and aunt, Rhea. Mum gave birth to my brothers and sisters, who are mush less important than me. My father, after hearing a phophecy that he would be defeated by his own child from my grandparents, decided he would eat or"swallow" his children to stop it from coming true. Yea he was a freak.

Here is a lovely family portrait of my father eating my brother  Hades :)

I HATE MY FATHER!!!!. What kind of moster would eat their own children.

The Aunts and Uncles

My aunts and uncles, icluding my father are called the titans. They include the hundred-handers, the cyclopses, my favorites are Thunderer, Lightner and Whitebolt, Cronos (also my father), Rhea (also my mother, yep just like I said incestuous), and 5 others gods and goddesses. My grandfather didnt care much for his ugly children (the hundred-handers and the cyclopses) so he hid them way in a cavern deep under the Earth.

NOT A HAPPY CHAPPY!!!

Hey guys, this is a little of topic, but I just finished watching Percy Jackson and the Lightning Theif on blu-ray. Its pretty cool, APART FROM THE FACT THAT I LOOK LIKE AND OLD MAN!!!!!!!!!. I am king of the gods, i'm immortal for crying out loud, and I most definetly DO NOT look like an old man, I look like a man in my late thirties at the latest. So anybody who watches the movie, keep in mind that I do not look like that guy who was supposed to be me. 

Aphrodite is grown!!

Guess what happened to the castrated "member" of my Grandfather, you will never guess. After father threw it into the sea, it grew into Aphrodite, crazy huh.

Lets start at the beggining

So I decided before I get to the most interesting part of this little story, the part that is focused on me, I am going to start at the beggining, just to give you a bit of backround knowledge about where I came from. Origionally the Earth was in chaos, not the nicest place to be, but then my grandparents came along. My good old granny ,Earth or Gaia, (Hesiod calls her "broad-breasted" hahahaha) gave birth to my Grandfather, Uranos (Hesiod calls him "starry-heaven" hahaha, he cracks me up sometimes), we greek gods are a tad incestous. My grandfather being the lovely fellow that he is (not) would not let my aunts and uncles be born, including my father Cronos. Being that bad ass that he is Cronos castrated my grandfather, man you gotta feel sorry for the guy. While he was busy mourning the loss of his "little Uranos", granny gave birth to all my aunts and uncles.

Zeus Almighty is in buisness

Hello mortals, this is Zeus here, thats right the ruler of all gods and men, king of Mount Olympus and all round awesome guy. Due to the fact that I am so awesome, I decided to record a little bit of my history for all you mortals to read, and becuase writing is soooooo old fashioned I decided to create a blog about it. I know Hesiod tells  my story in his Theogony, but seriously, I am much more heroic, brave and amazing than he makes me sound, so I decided to tell it myself. I may also use this blog to post my thought, who knows!!!!